A.521.4.3 Meta-messages and Hidden Agendas

This post will be organized into two parts but they are related in that both meta-messaging and hidden agendas are part of communication. In order to get at what a speaker's hidden agenda may be you have to understand the meta-message and how to read it.

I am going to paraphrase meta-messaging as defined in McKay, Davis, & Fanning's work Messages (2009). Meta-Messages are the sum of the whole message as delivered via body language, tone, inflection, rhythm, word choice, and the speaker's actual voice. When these various components are in line with one another the message and the speaker's enthusiasm and positive emotional state come through clearly and the speaker is engaged. When these are not in line the message may be garbled or even heard in a light completely opposite of what the speaker intended. I think that most people are aware of their emotional state and how to indicate that through their inflection and body language however public speaking or sales meetings are a unique environment where the speaker has to be in total control how his or her message is delivered through all channels of communication.

In this excited or nervous state it can be easy to intone a sentence incorrectly and give the wrong message to to the listener. For one-way communication this is something that just takes practice and self-awareness, however in two-way communication it becomes crucial that you are able to sort the message correctly. This takes even more emotional intelligence than one-way speaking as now you are listening and working with internal bias, filters, and emotions. McKay, Davis, and Fanning suggest the listeners be sure and ask for clarification of the actual message in order to ensure better communication (78-79).

Hidden agendas are not the nefarious thing you may have been thinking all along. We aren't talking sales but rather the internal motivators for people. McKay et al divide agendas into eight categories: I'm Good, I'm Good (But You're Not), You're Good (But I'm Not), I'm Helpless, I'm Blameless, I'm Fragile, I'm Tough, I know it All. These all manifest in the message. For example You're Good (But I'm Not) looks like flattery but it is often coupled with self-deprecating statements. "Can you collate these files? I'm horrible at organization."  According to McKay el al these serve two purposes (p.86) one to set your stance and place and the second to promote ulterior motives. These motives may be a simple as making a friend or as complex as negotiating sales arrangements. 

As leaders it is important to hear what people are saying, their meta-message, and what their hidden agenda really is. If a follower sees themselves a certain way their may be an opportunity for transformational leadership or esteem building. We can place people in roles that play to their strengths (as they seem them) and also to challenge them with growth. 

Lastly, we can listen and communicate with sincerity when we hear ALL of what the person is saying. As one who believes in transformational leadership being able to form those connections is critical to trust building. 

McKay , M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2009). Messages the communication skills book. (3rd ed.). Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.