A520.2.3 Conflict Resolution

Conflict is inevitable. It's what drives our species, our need to achieve, desires to learn, procreate, and it fuels our creativity. Conflict comes in all shapes and sizes from internal struggles to external wrangling. Even intense interpersonal conflicts can be beneficial if the participants are open to learning about new things. Conflict, in organizations (and properly harnessed in a respectful atmosphere) leads to increased productive and better solutions (Whetten & Cameron, 2011).


Conflict comes with personal growth and a change in attitude can lead to a better manager. This week we are asked with defining a conflict that we were a part of and then exploring it. I have a feeling that the spirit of the question is to describe an external conflict but I am going with an internal conflict that made me a better manager. I am also going to pick a very touch subject, gay marriage. Why you ask? What does this have to do with leadership? To answer the first one I want you, the reader, to be conflicted as you read this. Some of you may support gay marriage, others won't. I want you to feel that conflict as you attempt to remain impartial to this blog. This is an academic blog and not a personal one but this week we are also learning about diversity. While we aren't being asked to blog on diversity I am going to address it in this post as part of conflict. It is my hope that I can use my conflict as a teachable moment. For the second answer, read on.

1. What was the conflict?

I grew up in a Catholic household, went to Catholic school, and was surrounded by conservative principles for a great deal of my formative years. While it was never overt in my family it was taught, mostly by my former church, that homosexuality is a sin and marriage is between a man and a woman. My parents didn't weigh in on that topic until much later in my adult years and their answers surprised me.


Naturally, I opposed gay marriage for a long time. I opposed gays in the military, I was in-line with Catholic teachings on the matter. However, as a young adult I befriended a man that I later learned was gay. I am straight, he knew I was straight, and I had no idea he was homosexual. He chose to not bring up the subject of sexuality as he had a suspicion that I may have reacted badly. I wouldn't have but I may not have had such a good friend later in life as I hadn't had that exposure and had I known from the start it may have colored my choices. We became pretty close friends and one day he introduced me to his boyfriend. I was shocked to say the least. Being raised to never be rude, and to always have a certain class, I didn't react negatively and we went on with the day's events. Over time our group of friends grew to include a mixture of gay and straight people. Also with this time my attitudes were changing. It's easy to say,"hate the sin and love the sinner" but what if that hatred of the sin meant telling my friends I couldn't support them?


What a conflict! I wanted to be there for my friends and yet my internal conflict was saying something was wrong. I have always believed that we must question ourselves and question myself I did. The results are below. 

2. What role did you play?

I was the protagonist and the antagonist
Who were the other participants in the negotiation?
None in the conflict but my friends were happy to discuss their lives with me when I had questions. One can't resolve conflict without information. 

3. What was the result?

I supported my friends, and with that one leap I was placed in a situation where I was forced to question everything I thought was accurate. That lead to a cascade of perspective changes and a whole host of other internal conflicts. Many of which have made me the man I am today. I am not going to get into all the ways I changed as that would detract from my main point; conflict creates growth and creates better leaders.


To answer the second question from above. Diversity means acceptance. It's easy to accept differences in people when those differences don't strike at core beliefs. Assume I chose to not support my friends and stuck to my old principles. Now assume I am managing an openly gay employee that has relationship troubles affecting his work. Do you think I will be able to see past that core belief and be a supportive and transformational leader for a gay employee? Maybe...maybe not. It would take a great deal of emotional intelligence and self-awareness to see past my own prejudices to help that person. That isn't to say that it isn't possible, but I honestly don't think many people have the ability to see past such a huge fundamental aspect of themselves. That last statement is opinion and feel free to disagree, after all conflict can be used to learn.


As many companies are embracing diversity it becomes imperative to hire managers that can embrace diversity and manage conflicts both internally and externally. Do I think all managers need to accept gay marriage to be good managers? As much as I would like for them to accept it, I don't think it is a requirement. I do think emotional intelligence and self-awareness are requirements. In order to develop and mentor positively we must question ourselves and be accept that we must be equitable even when things are making us uncomfortable.




Whetten, D., & Cameron, K. (2011). Developing Management Skills. (8th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ.

A520.2.6 Time Management

This week time management is a topic for discussion. Time management skills are important in just about every facet of life. Although the primary aim of my class and this blog is to approach time management from the leadership perspective, time management can be applied most anywhere.


1. Assess your time management skills.


It really depends on my mood. I have one technique for time management for work and one for home. My work time management skills are pretty good. At home, not so so much. I tend to procrastinate unpleasant tasks, occasionally this has caused me some problems. I meet my financial obligations because I enjoy a high credit score and don't want to lose it, but chores may get put off. I live by myself so that isn't a huge concern! However, I'm aware that it may not work in situations where I may no longer be alone. I'm adaptable.

All in all I am pretty solid with time management. I control what I can and I don't lose much sleep over things I can't control.


2. Evaluate how these skills have increased your locus of control


I would say that a proper usage of time management has decreased my locus of control. This may sound counter-intuitive but hang on. I minimize my tasks into the most efficient ways of doing them. I build in extra time for surprises and then I roll with the punches. There are things I cannot control that affect my workload. In these situations I find that having positive professional relationships with partner agencies and co-workers will allow me access to better information and decrease negative trends in my workload. It's almost like delegation via mutual respect. Most places call it office politics, and that may be the case, but every tool has a use and politics are no different.


This minimization of tasks into efficient blocks allows my quality of work to improve. What used to be major time sinks, have become more manageable tasks. Time management, to me, isn't about finding ways to do more things, although that is inevitable as you increase responsibilities or gain promotion. Time management is about minimizing the stress that comes from tasks. My locus of control may expand to include more tasks, but if I am managing my time effectively it will appear, and feel, as if I am not exerting control.


3. Identify three new areas in which improved time management skills would reduce stress.


I am going to need to improve my time management skills with household chores. I have a stack of paperwork creating a fire hazard that needs my attention in my upstairs office. I did have a bit of stress being caused by financial obligations but I've learned to set aside time to pay bills and check accounts. Lastly, I have an unpleasant work project that requires constant attention. It's a time sink when done correctly and it has very limited utility but it is high-profile so I need to find a way to better manage that task.


4. Add an action plan to integrate these to your daily routine.


For me it comes down to just setting aside the time and getting over my tendency to procrastinate. With the household chores I may ask a friend to hold me accountable until I get it done. After that it will be more maintenance tasks rather than playing catch-up. With that unpleasant work task I will have to dedicate a chunk of time and just do it. Which is pretty much what I do every month with it. I am playing around with different database designs and I'm hoping to find a more efficient way to organize the information.


My advice for anyone regarding time management is to find a means that works for YOU in YOUR life. We all have unique needs and situations and while many tools online or in texts are tried and true methods don't be afraid to experiment and adapt. If it's your process rather than one taken from a book you will be more inclined to stick with it.

A520.1.6.RB - MOAR! Self-Awareness

Describe how your level of self-awareness has changed since you began your MSLD program with respect to the "Five Core Aspects of Self-Awareness"

The five core aspects of Self-Awareness are defined as: Emotional Intelligence, Core Self-Evaluation, Values, Attitudes Toward Change, Cognitive Style (Whetten & Cameron, 2011).

I started this MSLD program in the middle of a time of great personal change. I had a divorce, career changes, possible moves, relationship upheavals, and therapy. Aside from major illness, jail, or death, I've pretty much maxed out the score on the Holmes and Rahe scale; scoring a 459. For those that don't click the link a score of over 300 is linked to illness. So yeah...a good time to learn about some self-assessment.

I can say that my attitudes towards change have actually improved. I've learned to be more adaptive and I have come to accept change as inevitable. I've always been a champion of progress and social change but I balk at personal change, or at least I did. Now I'm more open to idea, and have begun a process of personal change that has been most fulfilling.

As much as it will seem that I am not writing much about emotional intelligence, core self-evaluation, values, and cognitive style it really comes down to those variables not changing as a result of this MS. That isn't to say that these things don't develop and change over time but they aren't linked to this degree; which I think is the spirit of the question. All that being said, education will change a person, otherwise why need it? I have found that my values have changed outside of the scholastic realm but those changes are positive and are in line with sound leadership principles. However, they occur independently of each other.

I think this strikes at my attitude towards academia. I think education is invaluable. I believe that a constant pursuit of learning is paramount to a civilized society. We are better people when we push the boundaries of human knowledge, and (in this class) we will be better leaders when armed with research and tools to build upon. All of that is useless without context and experience. It is one thing to take a quiz in a textbook, discover that your values are wonky and move on. It is quite another to see a value system damage a relationship. However, by pairing the two we are able to link the knowledge with the background and from there draw conclusions and shape plans.

With regard to the initial question: I think my level of self-awareness is complemented by my MSLD but it is not what drives it.

Whetten, D., & Cameron, K. (2011). Developing management skills. (8th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall.

A520.1.2.RB - Self-Awareness

This week we took a few self assessments designed to gain a better understanding of our self-awareness. I feel like I hold an unfair advantage as I have both an excellent therapist and trusted person (not my therapist) with whom I am open emotionally. Having consistent feedback and experiencing challenging situations as given me a great deal of insight about myself. For consistent readers of this blog, you know I've been homeless, been in the military, and have had some other life experiences that have all contributed to my sense of self-awareness. Below are the five questions asked of us following these tests.

1. What do you notice in your results?

In a way this answer, answers the other questions, and validates my therapist. I expected to have a good sense of self-awareness and it appears that I do. I didn't expect a huge discrepancy between pre-and post chapter. I did learn some new terminology and was able to better classify my emotions.

2. How much of this rang true for you

Long time readers will also know that I value emotional intelligence a great deal. I thought those tests were interesting. The defining issues test lacked a scoring key so while it was interesting it was of very little utility.

3. What did you see that you were expecting in the results?

Basically that I am in a good place, but still have a lifetime of work ahead, regarding self-awareness. To assume that journey ever ends defeats the purpose of being self-aware.

4. What were the surprises?

I was surprised to see that I have a greater tolerance of ambiguity than I would have thought. I tend to be annoyed when I don't have all the information. However, I see that lack of information as a positive challenge to either learn more or attempt to derive positive conclusions. I think this test needed more depth. To say I am annoyed by ambiguity is true only to the extent that I have to make choices in a vacuum. However, I tend to see ambiguity as the natural state of leadership.

5. How will you make use of this information?


I'm not sure, is the honest answer. I would like to say that I will learn from it an add to my repertoire of leadership skills but that isn't entirely accurate. Self-awareness, when done properly, should just tell you that you need to learn more about yourself. Life is ever changing and our reactions to life can be as varied as the circumstances in which we find ourselves. It would be more accurate to say I will use this information as one more stone in the footpath towards figuring out myself.

Leaders need to be self-aware or they will fail. Plain and simple. Tools such as self-assessments are only as good as the integrity of the people taking them and the willingness to seek answers and explore weaknesses when found wanting in categories.