A520.2.3 Conflict Resolution

Conflict is inevitable. It's what drives our species, our need to achieve, desires to learn, procreate, and it fuels our creativity. Conflict comes in all shapes and sizes from internal struggles to external wrangling. Even intense interpersonal conflicts can be beneficial if the participants are open to learning about new things. Conflict, in organizations (and properly harnessed in a respectful atmosphere) leads to increased productive and better solutions (Whetten & Cameron, 2011).


Conflict comes with personal growth and a change in attitude can lead to a better manager. This week we are asked with defining a conflict that we were a part of and then exploring it. I have a feeling that the spirit of the question is to describe an external conflict but I am going with an internal conflict that made me a better manager. I am also going to pick a very touch subject, gay marriage. Why you ask? What does this have to do with leadership? To answer the first one I want you, the reader, to be conflicted as you read this. Some of you may support gay marriage, others won't. I want you to feel that conflict as you attempt to remain impartial to this blog. This is an academic blog and not a personal one but this week we are also learning about diversity. While we aren't being asked to blog on diversity I am going to address it in this post as part of conflict. It is my hope that I can use my conflict as a teachable moment. For the second answer, read on.

1. What was the conflict?

I grew up in a Catholic household, went to Catholic school, and was surrounded by conservative principles for a great deal of my formative years. While it was never overt in my family it was taught, mostly by my former church, that homosexuality is a sin and marriage is between a man and a woman. My parents didn't weigh in on that topic until much later in my adult years and their answers surprised me.


Naturally, I opposed gay marriage for a long time. I opposed gays in the military, I was in-line with Catholic teachings on the matter. However, as a young adult I befriended a man that I later learned was gay. I am straight, he knew I was straight, and I had no idea he was homosexual. He chose to not bring up the subject of sexuality as he had a suspicion that I may have reacted badly. I wouldn't have but I may not have had such a good friend later in life as I hadn't had that exposure and had I known from the start it may have colored my choices. We became pretty close friends and one day he introduced me to his boyfriend. I was shocked to say the least. Being raised to never be rude, and to always have a certain class, I didn't react negatively and we went on with the day's events. Over time our group of friends grew to include a mixture of gay and straight people. Also with this time my attitudes were changing. It's easy to say,"hate the sin and love the sinner" but what if that hatred of the sin meant telling my friends I couldn't support them?


What a conflict! I wanted to be there for my friends and yet my internal conflict was saying something was wrong. I have always believed that we must question ourselves and question myself I did. The results are below. 

2. What role did you play?

I was the protagonist and the antagonist
Who were the other participants in the negotiation?
None in the conflict but my friends were happy to discuss their lives with me when I had questions. One can't resolve conflict without information. 

3. What was the result?

I supported my friends, and with that one leap I was placed in a situation where I was forced to question everything I thought was accurate. That lead to a cascade of perspective changes and a whole host of other internal conflicts. Many of which have made me the man I am today. I am not going to get into all the ways I changed as that would detract from my main point; conflict creates growth and creates better leaders.


To answer the second question from above. Diversity means acceptance. It's easy to accept differences in people when those differences don't strike at core beliefs. Assume I chose to not support my friends and stuck to my old principles. Now assume I am managing an openly gay employee that has relationship troubles affecting his work. Do you think I will be able to see past that core belief and be a supportive and transformational leader for a gay employee? Maybe...maybe not. It would take a great deal of emotional intelligence and self-awareness to see past my own prejudices to help that person. That isn't to say that it isn't possible, but I honestly don't think many people have the ability to see past such a huge fundamental aspect of themselves. That last statement is opinion and feel free to disagree, after all conflict can be used to learn.


As many companies are embracing diversity it becomes imperative to hire managers that can embrace diversity and manage conflicts both internally and externally. Do I think all managers need to accept gay marriage to be good managers? As much as I would like for them to accept it, I don't think it is a requirement. I do think emotional intelligence and self-awareness are requirements. In order to develop and mentor positively we must question ourselves and be accept that we must be equitable even when things are making us uncomfortable.




Whetten, D., & Cameron, K. (2011). Developing Management Skills. (8th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ.